Quick now. What's the worst game you've ever played?

[Rigmarole]

If the answer isn't Brandish, you're probably wrong. Brandish sucks. But now someone translated Brandish 2. It doesn't change your point of view every time you turn, but the character solved this problem by being unable to turn, the dialogue is horrid and the trailer has cheesy, LOUD eurobeat music. I feel so content right now.




Btw since when do we have standard smilies?

[Killmore]

Sword of Mana




And my smileys are all back to normal.

[Ultratech87]

Cliffhanger for SNES. I've never played a beat-'em up (much less any other game) that was so awful. It's a struggle to even make it past the 1st level for me.

[Weiila]

Harvest Moon: It's a Wonderful Life for PS2.

... it has to be amazingly much better for the GC because when I read reviews for Tree of Tranquility, that's what it's being compared to (and lacking in especially the graphics section WHICH BOGGLES MY FREAKING MIND. Then again, the same people don't seem to have liked the graphics in Magical Melody, which I loved. But maybe I'm just a freak for colors that aren't just various shades of brown.)

[Sinistral]

Man, those are pussy games.

Aren't you supposed to be finishing Beyond the Beyond and writing an elaborate tretise on the topic?

I was also surprised that someone actually wanted to translate Brandish 2.

[Hades Shinigami]

Maybe FFX-2... I know BtB is bad, but I'm sure you at least got through 5 minutes of it without wanting to gouge your eyes out and slash your fingers to bits. I'm not even sure I got to experience the gameplay in X-2. The cinematography was so excruciating that I think I turned it off before the opening scenes were over, even though I could have skipped them. It assaulted every one of my disgust nerves from the very first frame.

Arc The Lad: End Of Darkness is probably the worst game I've ever actually owned. I don't hate it with the fiery passion of 1000 Hitlers. It's just so very unremarkable.

I remember old N64 Wrestling games that had such clunky gameplay that you could never really tell if anything you pressed was even having an effect on the game. All you could do was mash buttons and pray your fighter happened to come out on top. And even if they did have spectacular gameplay... they still had a pro-wrestling motif, which makes them auto-shit.

It's not one of the worst games of all time, but the most overrated game of all time can't possibly anything but Goldeneye. Goldeneye is the videogame equivalent of movies like Pulp Fiction: A middle-of-the-road experience with an unjustifiable cult following that would make any seasoned gamer just kind of... scratch his head.

I'm disappointed at myself for not being able to think of more. I know I've played worse shit than this.

[Valkyrie Esker]

My disdain for Wild ARMs 4 and Unlimited SaGa is well documented by this point (as well as Sin's polar opposite view on the former), so I won;t bother with them. Other than that... I'd actually have to probably say any Lunar game after the playstation versions. They just felt so lackluster it was painful. And I still don;t know why I finished Dragon Song, other than it wasn't that hard.

[The 984]

Scud: The Disposable Assassin for the Saturn.

[Sorcerer]

It's a few. Lagoon, Legend of Legaia, Legend of Dragoon.. I dunno, maybe these are just the games I hate. In which case, add Final Fantasy Tactics.

[balthierfan]

FFTactics....nuff said

[d Galloway]

Off the top of my head...

Eternal Poison on PS2.

I only bought it because the premise actually sounded interesting, and it looked like an interesting SRPG. What I got was an insultingly short (I'm talking three to four hours to finish every storyline), incredibly poorly-paced game. It also loved those old Shining Force-style combat cutscenes...all of which had to be loaded separetly. Oh, and then it loaded again when it returned to the map...and again when a round ended...and whenever you went anywhere in the town.

The plot was trite, the gameplay was slow and almost murderously dull, the graphics physically hurt to look at, and the voice acting...ugh. Doesn't help that the game's so short, you can never manage to level your guys up enough for the later areas. (Unlike just about every other SRPG I can name, there are no side battles to play through, and you can't replay finished areas. Which means that if you end up underleveled, it's back to the start for you.) It takes a whole lot for me to downright hate a game, but Eternal Posion hit every right note.

[Killmore]

I'm just going to add From the Abyss to this thread since it made Children of Mana look like a genuine effort by comparison (even though I got the game heavily discounted I still felt ripped off).

Also Dawn of Mana. Or really, any Mana game after SD3.

Also also any Lufia game after 2 (fuck those broken pieces of shit).

The one thing about EP that I will say in its defense is that you can (and should) turn off battle animations. Its hilarious just how generally worthless they are.

[Rigmarole]

Originally Posted by Sinistral

I was also surprised that someone actually wanted to translate Brandish 2.

I didn't believe it either (even moreso as I seldom check out kotaku). It's rule 34 for games.

Originally Posted by Hades Shinigami

It's not one of the worst games of all time, but the most overrated game of all time can't possibly anything but Goldeneye. Goldeneye is the videogame equivalent of movies like Pulp Fiction: A middle-of-the-road experience with an unjustifiable cult following that would make any seasoned gamer just kind of... scratch his head.

The multiplayer was anything but. After all what would you play in 1996/1997? There was Quake, Duke Nukem 3D already looked outdated (together with all pre-3D games, gameplay aside) and while Dark Forces II was a great game Goldeneye easily had greater appeal. Half Life (late '98) was still far away.

(Hexen II? Powerslave? Redneck Rampage? Turok? Nah.)

[Hades Shinigami]

Mario Kart.

[VickiMints]

We could only play Mario Kart 64 for so long, man! Goldeneye was a nice game to swap in for a while.

[deathstryke]

Originally Posted by d Galloway

Off the top of my head...

Eternal Poison on PS2.

I only bought it because the premise actually sounded interesting, and it looked like an interesting SRPG. What I got was an insultingly short (I'm talking three to four hours to finish every storyline), incredibly poorly-paced game. It also loved those old Shining Force-style combat cutscenes...all of which had to be loaded separetly. Oh, and then it loaded again when it returned to the map...and again when a round ended...and whenever you went anywhere in the town.

The plot was trite, the gameplay was slow and almost murderously dull, the graphics physically hurt to look at, and the voice acting...ugh. Doesn't help that the game's so short, you can never manage to level your guys up enough for the later areas. (Unlike just about every other SRPG I can name, there are no side battles to play through, and you can't replay finished areas. Which means that if you end up underleveled, it's back to the start for you.) It takes a whole lot for me to downright hate a game, but Eternal Posion hit every right note.

Oh wow, this makes me glad I didn't try playing it much past the first couple fights before I got distracted by something.

I'd still say Unlimited SaGa is worse. Rather difficult in all the wrong ways and the mechanics are incredibly opaque. Maybe it's a decent game after you've memorized whatever thousand page guide happens to explain all the mechanics, but till then it's awful. A friend of mine bought it new and within a week we had both given up on it and wound up microwaving the disc.

Dungeon navigation is this boring point and click affair that looks like an automap from any other game. I want to say you had a limited number of moves, but I haven't played it since shortly after it came out, though I briefly flirted giving it a second chance last summer.


As an aside, are there any SaGa games that don't devolve into sloppy guide dammit affairs? SaGa Frontier 2 was really interesting till the endgame came out of nowhere.

[Hades Shinigami]

Originally Posted by VickiMints

We could only play Mario Kart 64 for so long, man! Goldeneye was a nice game to swap in for a while.

I didn't say never play it, just that the hype it got was totally disproportionate to its value. It wasn't Mario64, Smash Bros, or Ocarina. It was just another run-of-the-mill tally in the N64's library. You don't see games like Chameleon Twist being worshiped, even though their quality and fun-factor outstripped Goldeneye pretty hard.

[Skankin' Garbage]

You know, I would mostly agree with Hades, except for that I think Mario Kart 64 was terrible. I never played the handheld iterations of the Wii Mario Kart...but, between the ones I've played (SNES, N64, and Gamecube), the N64 version was seriously...just, bad. Now, if he meant the SNES version, then okay. :P

[Rigmarole]

Originally Posted by Hades Shinigami

I didn't say never play it, just that the hype it got was totally disproportionate to its value. It wasn't Mario64, Smash Bros, or Ocarina. It was just another run-of-the-mill tally in the N64's library. You don't see games like Chameleon Twist being worshiped, even though their quality and fun-factor outstripped Goldeneye pretty hard.

Where value is a subjective matter, I suppose?

[Seraphim Ephyon]

I honestly didn’t think Eternal Poison was that bad. It wasn’t any great gem, but it was a pleasant enough game to play, I can’t imagine someone not having played a much worse one before. I though the story and characters were… decent at least, and I liked the voice acting.

Okay… yeah, Ashley’s flat monotone got on my nerves, and hearing Retica try and sound menacing was somewhat funny, but in Retica’s case it may be precisely the intention. There were some awesome ones though, Thage and Ranunculus had some great VAs and Duphaston was the pure essence of shady scheming upper-class twit (Try to listen to him laughing and not feel the urge to shove his head into a toilet. C’mon, I dare you).

Though yeah, the one-cutscene-per-action thing was retarded. I disabled it in like the second battle and played the rest of the game with the minimum FFT-style effects. I can’t imagine how frustratingly slow the game could be actually playing it in its entirety with that activated.

As for worst game…

Well, I played E.T., but that seems sort of cheating. There are boatloads of old school games and movie tie-ins that blow ass, but I guess I should mention a game that had chances of NOT blowing, yet did anyhow…

Probably Rouge Galaxy for the less-enjoyable game I’ve played somewhat recently. Probably because it’s neither good NOR bad. It’s… It’s like they took the distilled, pure form of “Generic RPG” and made it into matter. There is not an original, above-average element in the entire thing, or a horrible, all-time-low feature in it either. It’s so unbelievably mediocre in every aspect I can neither like it nor hate it, just stare somewhat bewildered at the disk and wonder how a game can be so clearly enthusiastically-produced yet have not a single feature making it a worthwhile or at least memorable experience. I mean, at least Legend of Dragoon netted me a few jokes worth regarding abysmal translations, I got absolutely NOTHING from this game.

[GunslingerGuy]

Originally Posted by Sinistral

Man, those are pussy games.

Aren't you supposed to be finishing Beyond the Beyond and writing an elaborate tretise on the topic?

I started it to see why it was so bad...I stopped.


Worst game? Super Street Fighter 2, Guile sounded like a 12-year-old nerdy kid.

[Skankin' Garbage]

You play Samurai Shodown 1. Don't act like you know shit about fighting games, lol :P

[GunslingerGuy]

Originally Posted by Skankin' Garbage

You play Samurai Shodown 1. Don't act like you know shit about fighting games, lol :P

Ever since I got KOF: The Orochi Saga I have stopped playing snes fighters. Currently my favorite KOF is 97.

[Wilfredo Martinez]

Originally Posted by Skankin' Garbage

You play Samurai Shodown 1. Don't act like you know shit about fighting games, lol :P

Generalizing much, SG? :P

[Skankin' Garbage]

Perhaps I am, but I bet you anything I'm right. :P

[deanhanson]

As per my point of view, The worst game is Charlie's Angels. I played but This game is nothing short of an embarrassment. I like the movies but not the game. It is a greatest worst game ever I played.

[Seifer]

I didn’t play (m)any games that deserve a tag of the “worst game”, maybe “not as/so good” description would fit better my choices.
How about Gorodki, an arcade version of an ancient Russian folk sport? Imagine bowling with a bat, and your pins are arranged in some intricate pattern. In other words: throw bits, knock some churbachki, and spend more time on gorodoshnoy site.
Here is a web version of the game.[url=http://usera.imagecave.com/seifer/gorodki-bottom.jpg And this is the original (reconstructed).[/url]

Lets try something a little less exotic – FFX-2 was already pointed out, well, I’ll vote for that. I gave up after 20 or 30 minutes into the game, and “hired” my girlfriend to finish the game for me, so I could just watch the cutscenes. Playing with dolls/changing dresses is not my forte.

Going back in time again, I’ll mention Gabriel Knight 3.
There was a time when I believed that point-and-click adventure genre was Videogame Gods’ gift to humankind. Jane Jensen, GK’s designer and Roberta Williams, the King Quest creator, were my Goddesses, my pin-up girls, my porno mags centerfolds, my friends’ hot Moms… well, you got the picture.
Hold on… another colorful metaphor comes to mind (and a wink to FFVIII) – they were my sorceresses and I was under their spell.
Then GK3 was released and…
Boom! Bada boom! The spell wore off.
Now, please bare with me here, I will quote a passage (quite long) from Gamespot walkthrough that I consider to be GK 3 equivalent of my electroshock treatment.

Spoiler:
You must combine several items to construct an adequate disguise and gain access to the motorbike. First, return to the museum and swipe the red cap from the lost-and-found box. You couldn't do this in the previous time blocks, but Gabriel knows he needs it now and has little trouble stealing the hat from the box. With the red hat in hand, head to the church. Instead of entering the church's front door, turn right and notice a path around to the back of the church. This cemetery area is filled with tombs and tombstones as well as a back entrance to the Abbe's office and a front entrance to his small home. Examine all the tombstones if you wish. Also, you can examine the window at the back of the Abbe's office. If you wish, you can open the window slightly or leave the action for when you're required to do so.
Look at the Abbe's house and notice him watering his plants with a spray bottle. Wait for the Abbe to move back into his house and grab the spray bottle. Return to the front entrance of the church and turn left, so you're moving away from the hotel and around behind the church. When you emerge on the new street, you'll spot a black cat in the corner. Move Gabriel up to the cat and use the verb menu to examine and pet the cat.
The cat dashes into a small opening into an old shed. Gabriel will hypothesize that the cat's black hair might come in handy. Examine the hole that the cat entered. Open up your inventory and pick up the piece of masking tape (if you failed to get the tape from Gabriel's hotel room, return there and open the dresser to get the masking tape). Use the masking tape on the shed door hole.
Walk back from the shed and notice the cat is now on a ledge. You can attempt to pet or grab the cat, but Gabriel can't because the feline is just too high. Here's where the spray bottle comes in. Select your inventory and pick up the spray bottle. Use the spray bottle on the cat, and he'll leap down and run, again, through the small opening into the shed. When he runs through the hole, he left some hair on the piece of masking tape you placed on the hole. Pick up the masking tape, and you'll gain black fur in your inventory.
Return to the hotel now and collect any items you missed the first time around that are vital to the disguise. These include the black marker from the hotel desk (just make sure Jean is wandering around), a piece of candy from the table near the lounge, and a packet of syrup from the dining room. While you're back in the lobby, you can also speak with Lady Howard and Estelle about their room change with Emilio.
Head upstairs and knock on Mosely's door (room 33). He'll let you inside. If you want a hint about what to do with the candy, you can offer Mosely the candy, which he'll gladly take and consume quickly. Also, talk with Mosely about his passport, the key to solving the disguise puzzle. If you give Mosely the piece of candy, you must return downstairs and grab another one. If you didn't, just exit Mosely's room.
Locate the painting over the table depicting the street scene. Use the piece of candy from your inventory and place it on the table. Head down either staircase into the lobby. Look to the left of Jean's front desk and spot the room buzzers. Examine the buzzers and press the one for room 33, Mosely's room. This will buzz Mosely down to the front desk, but he'll become sidetracked by that yummy piece of candy you left for him.
Ascend the stairs on the right side, so you're on the opposite side of Gabriel's room entrance. Follow the camera around to Mosely's room and watch him exit and walk to the table with the piece of candy. Mosely will bend over and grab the candy, gobbling it up like before. Walk Gabriel over just behind Mosely and use the mouse cursor on Mosely or his passport to pickpocket him and swipe the passport.
As soon as you've got the passport, quickly head to Mosely's room 33 and enter it. Nab his gold coat on the coat rack by using the verb menu while the mouse is over the coat. Place the coat in your inventory and exit Mosely's room.

This sequence could take a few tries to get everything right, but you can repeat the process as many times as necessary to secure the necessary items: the passport and gold coat. Just use more candy and keep pressing that buzzer. Also, you can try stealing these items without the appropriate trap in place and watch the various scenes showing what happens.
Open your inventory now; make sure you have the black marker and syrup (if you still don't, get them from the hotel desk and dining room, respectively). Grab the black marker and use it on Mosely's passport to make a mustache. Next, grab the black fur from the cat and use it on the syrup to make a black mustache. Finally, use the red hat on the mustache and then on the gold coat to complete your Mosely disguise.
With your disguise ready, return to the moped rental shop.

Did you read all of that? No? Cool, so just let me summarize:
Gabriel Knight must disguise himself as a man called Mosley in order to fool a moped rental clerk into renting him the shop's only motorcycle.
In order to construct the costume, Gabriel Knight must manufacture a fake moustache, even though Moseley does not have a moustache.
Well, this is Adventure game creators’ logic at its best.

But… I still would play GK4 after all.

[Killmore]

Originally Posted by Seifer
There was a time when I believed that point-and-click adventure genre was Videogame Gods’ gift to humankind. Jane Jensen, GK’s designer and Roberta Williams, the King Quest creator, were my Goddesses, my pin-up girls, my porno mags centerfolds, my friends’ hot Moms…

Either you had this game or you're a dirty liar.

[pokefreak_85]

Originally Posted by Sinistral

Man, those are pussy games.

Aren't you supposed to be finishing Beyond the Beyond and writing an elaborate tretise on the topic?

I was also surprised that someone actually wanted to translate Brandish 2.

I've been trying to play BtB, but I can't get it to run.


As far as bad games go, I'd say the most recent bad game I've been playing is Raidy: Lightning Warrior.

I can tell you right now, you won't a game with a dungeon that's this horribly designed anywhere.
No maps (until at least halfway through each floor, usually at the end), fake walls that look identical to the normal walls, teleporters with no visual or audible cues, so if you blink at the wrong time you'll suddenly realize five minutes later that you're on the wrong side of the tower, and best of all:
If you happen to wander into the boss room without finding someone to tell you the boss' weakness, and maybe some arbitrary macguffin, you get a game over.
And I don't mean that the bosses are hard/impossible to beat without knowing their weakness. You don't even get to fight, you just get a little event followed by game over.

[Killmore]

Originally Posted by pokefreak_85

I've been trying to play BtB, but I can't get it to run.


As far as bad games go, I'd say the most recent bad game I've been playing is Raidy: Lightning Warrior.

I can tell you right now, you won't a game with a dungeon that's this horribly designed anywhere.
No maps (until at least halfway through each floor, usually at the end), fake walls that look identical to the normal walls, teleporters with no visual or audible cues, so if you blink at the wrong time you'll suddenly realize five minutes later that you're on the wrong side of the tower, and best of all:
If you happen to wander into the boss room without finding someone to tell you the boss' weakness, and maybe some arbitrary macguffin, you get a game over.
And I don't mean that the bosses are hard/impossible to beat without knowing their weakness. You don't even get to fight, you just get a little event followed by game over.

You do realize that calling out an H-game is cheating right?